Saturday, November 15, 2008

Shopping for Deer




I went shopping for deer.

There were no deer.

The shopping cart became the deer.

I brought it home.

I climbed inside.

I turned the lights off.

The seasons changed.

I lived on earth.

Sometimes the bright sun shone.

I became old.

When I die, I will remember the deer.

I will remember its wheels and antlers.

I will remember its silver bones that are

a womb for flesh and lightning.


*

inspired by this amazing image:"Hunters" on Next Nature

5 comments:

gary barwin said...

Here's a revision:

SHOPPING FOR DEER

I went shopping for deer.
There were no deer.
The shopping cart became the deer.

I brought it home
climbed inside.
and turned the lights off.

The seasons changed.
I lived on earth.
Sometimes the bright sun shone.
I became old.

When I die, I will remember the deer.
I will remember its wheels and antlers.
I will remember its womb of silver bones.

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Sarah said...

I stumbled upon your page.

I like the original version over the revised edition...the ending in the original has this fluidity that gently brings the piece to an end. The long description also complements the short, choppy, statements of the poem.

Your work is wonderful by the way.

gary barwin said...

Thanks very much for the visit and the comments.

I ended up publishing the poem in a chapbook ("Inverting the Deer") and used an ending that was a variation on both versions:

when I die, I will remember the deer
I will remember its wheels and antlers
I will remember its flesh and lightning
its womb of silver bones

*
I love the idea that various versions, some less successful can exist. It is like tracking the fortunes of a sports team or a student throughout the school year.

Best,

Gary

joshua said...

Might I use your graphic of a shopping cart with antlers as my "oh snap, your shopping cart is empty" page over at http://tackysmack.com